Ladies and Gentlemen, We Regret to Inform You...

I can't do it. I can't be the bearer of this news. I am going to need to find someone to help me out here. Meet me after the jump.

Dr. Phil is here to comfort all of you in this very difficult time. Dr. Phil? Please, go ahead.

Thanks Dr. Phil. I couldn't do it. I needed someone with absolutely no soul to convey that message for me.

Now that we have the bad news out of the way, I would like to remind you all that if you work very hard, keep your nose to the grind stone, out perform everyone of your peers for the remainder of your working career, you are unlikely to make much more than James Sheppard will next year for sucking at what he does for a living. As Dr. Phil said above: Life is a festering stinkhole filled with puss and laundry soap.

Oh, by the way, there is more from Russo, who had a sit down with Fletch about this signing. Some highlights:

As I said over on SBN Minnesota: In other words, suck less.

And the key line of the entire post, as far as I'm concerned?

In camp. Russo cues in on this a bit in his post, but if the words "in camp" don't ring like a gong in Shep's head, nothing will ever get through to him. It doesn't take much to read between the lines on that one. You best be working your tail off, son, or you will find yourself on the short end of the waiver wire real quick.

So, there it is. James Sheppard is back. I'm sorry Wild fans. I don't know what else to say, so I'll leave it to the one and only Nathan. Nate, take it away:

Well said, sir. Well said.