If each Minnesota Wild player had their own goal song

The San Jose Sharks are doing something a lot of other NHL teams should start doing — they’re letting their players choose their own goal songs. And this got us thinking. What if the Minnesota Wild let their players pick their own goal songs?

It would be nothing but beneficial. Minnesota’s season has been rocky thus far, and perhaps this little pinch of fun would be just enough to inspire the team to start scoring more goals, thus resulting in more wins!

In alphabetical order (by first name, because I’m the worst), I, with help from the rest of the Hockey Wilderness staff, constructed a list of what each Wild player’s goal song should be.

We want to hear your input as well, so if you have suggestions for goal songs, drop ‘em in the comments below.

Eric Staal: “One Last Breath” by Creed

Eric Staal loves Creed. This shocking information was uncovered in The Athletic’s most recent Minnesota Wild player poll. Much like Nickelback, Creed has become somewhat of a meme in recent years — mainly due to Scott Stapp’s famous yarling. But Staal seems to love them anyway. Think about it, though. What better song to play after setting off an entire arena full of people than “One Last Breath”?

“Hrrrrrrrrrld me nooooowwwrrr. I’m SIIIX FEEET froooom the eerrrrrdge and I’m thinkiirrrrrrn. MAYBE six fiirrrrt. Ain’t sooooooo faahhhhhhh doooowwwwwrrrrn.”

Jared Spurgeon: “Money in the Bank” by Lil Scrappy (featuring Young Buck)

Let’s be real. Jared Spurgeon may be the best player on the Wild. Despite originally being drafted by the New York Islanders, he’s pretty much spent his entire career in Minnesota, and he’s been worth every penny. He’s more than deserving of his new contract, and with an AAV of $7,575,000 over seven years, he certainly has “Money in the Bank”.

Jason Zucker: “A Little Less Conversation” by Elvis Presley

Jason Zucker grew up in Las Vegas, so what better song for the Sin City kid than one of Elvis Presley’s groovier jams?

Joel Eriksson Ek: “Du Hast” by Rammstein

I know, I know. Joel Eriksson Ek isn’t even German. But for some reason “Du Hast” just seems to be right down his alley. The song sounds like his face looks, if that makes sense. I don’t know. Perhaps he’d be more inclined to choose Swedish house music, but “Du Hast” really does feel like the perfect choice for JEE.

Jonas Brodin: “Don’t Sleep on Me” by Ty Dolla $ign (featuring Future, 24hrs)

Jonas Brodin is absurdly underrated. It’s honestly a bit ridiculous. He’s one of the most defensively sound blueliners in hockey, and now he’s starting to chip in more offensively. Figures that this is the year his name starts popping up in trade rumors.

Kevin Fiala: “Wake Me Up” by Avicii

Kevin Fiala’s from Switzerland, but played a few years in the Swedish Hockey League. There’s not a doubt in my mind that he got sucked into developing a taste for house music, and it wasn’t all that long ago that “Wake Me Up” was one of the most popular songs in the world. This seems like an easy entry, but who knows? Maybe in real life he’d pick “Coming Undone” by Korn or something completely out of left field.

Luke Kunin: “I’m Just a Kid” by Simple Plan

Luke Kunin technically isn’t a kid anymore. He’s 22 years old, making him an adult by law. But by hockey standards, he’s a small child. A tyke. Simple Plan was popular in the early 2000s when Kunin was “Just a Kid” (!), so perhaps he remembers this jam from his childhood. Or not. But this would be a fun song for one of Minnesota’s better youngsters.

Marcus Foligno: “Sorry” by Justin Bieber

Marcus Foligno is a noted Belieber, so it’s only right that his goal song would be something from the Biebs. Not only is Foligno a legitimately good guy, but he’s also in the middle of what could end up being the best statistical campaign of his career. With him being such a nice dude, perhaps he’d choose “Sorry” as a way to apologize to the opposing team for scoring on them.

Mats Zuccarello: “They’re Taking the Hobbits to Isengard” by Orlando Bloom

Mats Zuccarello is known by many names. Most recently people have been calling him Lizard thanks to the absurdly popular and eternally beloved Paul Fenton. But many also refer to him as the Norwegian Hobbit, giving him really only one option as he considers a goal song.

Matt Dumba: “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande

Matt Dumba loves to score goals. Not so much this season, but definitely in years past. He’s also a younger guy who seems to have an appreciation for newer music. Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” would make some sense for Dumba as a symbolic way of saying “Thank you, I’m ready for my next goal now.”

Mikko Koivu: “Ain’t No Grave” by Johnny Cash

Mikko Koivu is the elder statesman on the Wild. He’s the oldest player on the team, and his time in Minnesota might be coming to an end. His contract expires at the end of the season, and it’s unclear if the Wild will choose to bring him back as a 37-year-old. If they don’t, this could very well be his last season in the NHL. Like Koivu, Johnny Cash performed at a high level until the very end, so this would be a pretty cool (and also darkly hilarious) goal song for the captain.

Ryan Suter: “Jungleland” by Bruce Springsteen

Some of Ryan Suter’s teammates don’t believe he even cares about music. Evidently, he does listen to some country music, but he also strikes me as someone who’d be a big fan of The Boss. “Jungleland” is nine-and-a-half-minutes long — nearly equal to the amount of time Suter spends on the ice per period. The tune is too good to cut short, so if Suter really did choose this as his goal song, the officials would have no choice but to keep play from resuming until after the song’s conclusion.

Victor Rask: “My Heart Will Go On - Recorder By Candlelight” by Matt Mulholland

Victor Rask seems to be on the receiving end of most jokes among Wild fans. No one cheering for the Wild was thrilled with the trade that brought him to Minnesota, and few fans seem to want him on the team even now. He doesn’t score very often, so when he does, it’s kind of a big deal. But not big enough a deal for the actual “My Heart Will Go On” to play, so the “at least you tried” recorder version would fit perfectly.

Zach Parise: “Cotton Eye Joe” by Rednex

Zach Parise’s a big fan of country music. He seems to be particularly fond of George Strait. Unfortunately for Parise, George Strait’s music wouldn’t exactly pump up a crowd after a goal, so we chose another song that kind of, sort of, but not really seems like a decent fallback.