Helping the Offense: Sign Nordy

Now picture the solution to all that ails the Wild: Nordy.

Nordy fits all of the holes the Wild have. He's big, standing 6' 6", has enough weight to be tough to move, and the big thing that makes him invaluable? He's Minnesotan, something that is obviously a must have to win a Cup. The size of his head alone makes it possible to simply bank a shot in off his mullet and let the opposing goalie make a feeble attempt to stop the puck.

The Wild clearly have the advantage in negotiating the contract, too. They can offer league minimum, re-sign him year to year, and have little chance of losing him. For the love of Pete, he has the Wild logo tattooed all over his face. He's a clear homer that would never hold out or ask for anything that would hurt the squad.

The best part? He wouldn't have to play more than about four minutes a game as a power play specialist, what with the Wild's inability to draw a call. Of course, with that giant head, rule 48 could come into play a few times a game.

We here at Hockey Wilderness feel this is the best move the Wild can make. They have called up nearly everyone from Houston, have few trade options, and don't seem to be willing to pack it in for the season. They have, at the ready, a player like Paul Deutsch. Dedicated to the team, and ready to play for the sheer joy of playing.

A big body for net presence on the power play, a Minnesotan, willing to work cheap.

The only question left to answer is... why hasn't he signed yet?

(Once again, thank you to Mr. Bennett for the comic inspiration.)