2010 Hockey Wilderness Awards: We look at things a little differently

Let's be honest. The NHL awards are boring, and there isn't typically a lot of controversy or interest going into them. Besides, everyone votes on the same awards over and over again. Blah, blah, Crosby v. Ovechkin v. Bryzgalov, etc. etc. etc. Yawn.

The Boy Named Sue award (Best season by a player with a girl's name)

Buddha: Marian Gaborik - It is tough to pass on Sidney Crosby here, but Sid the Kid did exactly what everyone expected him to do. Marian played an almost full season and led her, ahem, his team in scoring. That is worth of an award, and this fits perfectly.

JS: Marian Gaborik, He's had a great year and it could've been even better if he actually had a decent supporting cast (How often has he heard THAT in his life?)

The Stan Neckar award (Most unpronounceable name)

They play hockey where? (Best season by a player from a non-traditional market)

Buddha: Steven Stamkos - If a second year player scoring 50 goals doesn't put butts in the seats, nothing will. I don't care if the Bolts lost every single game they ever played. I would pay $30 a game just to watch this kid play.

The Todd Fedoruk's original cheekbone memorial award (Guy who took the biggest ass-whooping of the year)

JS: Alexandre Bolduc, he got absolutely MURDERED! Cooke is a close second, but it was way too short! He should've been pummeled for about 3 minutes non-stop...

The Tore Vikingstad award (Name which most strikes fear into the hearts of men)

JS: He who shall remain nameless!... Nah, The boogeyman also gets my vote for this, who wouldn't pee themselves when that beast even looks at them with an angry look on his face?

The Dikembe Mutumbo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo award (Best shot-blocker)

JS: ZUPERMAAAAAN! While the acquisition of BTE was a Godsend, I believe our best acquisition this year was Greg Zanon. His durability makes him even more valuable considering what he goes through every night.

The Summer's Eve award (Biggest douche-bag in the NHL)

Nathan: Matt Cooke. No second choice, no questions asked. Dick.

Buddha: Matt Cooke - He takes home yet another award. The guy is just wrong. As my post about him should make clear, he does not belong in the NHL. He represents everything that is wrong with the league, and yet for some reason, teams continue to sign the idiot.

JS: Hmm.... I can't decide between Cindy Crybaby or Matt Cooke... I'm gonna go with Cooke because at least Crosby doesn't pride himself in hurting others...

The Donatello, Michelangelo, Leonardo and Raphael award (Biggest turtle)

Buddha: Darcy Hordichuk - He wins this because of one "play." The attempted horse collar tackle of Boogaard and then running to the linesman to protect him.

The Better Luck Next Time award (the player with the worst season of the year)

Nathan: Fuck James Sheppard.

JS: It's so tempting to go with Shep here.... SO I WILL! :D Shep had a dismal 6 points with a -14... I actually tried to find worse stats... and I just couldn't, players who could've qualified either played less games or wasn't supposed to produce the way Shep was... he might actually be the true worst player this year.. isn't that sad? I actually tried to be neutral and he still got my vote...

The Martin Skoula award (Biggest mistake by a team or player)

Dude, this was the freaking playoffs. What the hell were you thinking?

JS: Two-way tie between Keith Ballard and... Keith Ballard... Exhibit A: Whacking his goalie on the head Hitman style while trying to break his stick in a fit of childish rage... at least he broke his stick.... ON THE SECOND FUCKING SWING! What the hell was he thinking? Exhibit B: In another betrayal of Vokoun, he tries to catch the airborne puck and for some reason, he bats it into his own goal... He didn't even realize what he had done before his teammate informed him! All in all, rough year for Ballard...

The Crash Test Dummies award (biggest injury of the year)

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The writers at Hockey Wilderness would like to thank their families, the NHL, the NHLPA and Allan Walsh for all the support, highlights, lowlights and Twitroversies (Free Petr? Really) that made up the 2009-2010 season. Without you, this would be boring as hell. Oh ... and Fuck James Sheppard.

Let us know how we did. Vote for your own. Have an idea for a new award? We'd love to hear in the comments.

We out.